This is something I wrote some time ago and my health has taken some difficult turns in the last couple of years, so this is something I have been tested on for myself, repeatedly, over this time. I’m getting ready to have some spinal surgery in the next month or so, and it scares me, but I also know that it will help me immensely. So, I’ve very much been trying to remind myself of this line of thinking lately, and I’ve been spending a good deal of time in mediation upon it. I thought it might be a good moment to share this here…

So, today, I have a question. This is a question for all of those (including me) who feel they are on a spiritual path. Whether that is a path they follow through an organized religion or those who feel they are simply spiritual, whatever that means to them personally. This includes those, who purport themselves to be particularly connected to the spiritual… intuitives, empaths, psychics, mediums, or other types of healers, ministers, spiritual coaches, or whatever title we put forth into the world. This question is for anyone who has a belief in God, the Universe, a Creator or whatever name we call, and this is especially a question for those that are vocal about it, in any way… here on Facebook (including the posting of memes or quotes or spiritual advice) or anywhere else in the world.

This is the question, and it is a question I ask myself a lot, and meditate upon frequently: Do you really believe what you believe? I mean, really, really, really. Not just when things are going well for you, but even in the dark times, too? When you are struggling… when you are sick or broke or things around you appear to be falling apart? How about when the world, or the nation, or the political landscape feels scary or even just not going the way you think it should? How about when faced with hate and anger and criticism? Do you really believe what you believe?

I’m not suggesting that we are not supposed to ever waver or question things. I’m not saying that we aren’t allowed our moments of doubt and pain. By all means, feel what you are feeling. But what I am asking is, if you really believe what you believe… in God, in Spirit, in the Divine Nature of the Universe, why would you allow yourself to get lost in fear or anger or doubt? Why would you ever choose to park yourself and live indefinitely in these places? 
My beliefs tell me that there IS a Divine Nature to the Universe we live in. This means that I believe in Divine Timing, and that I believe that no matter what happens to me from the outside, it is somehow perfect. My beliefs tell me that there is no savior outside of me (and God’s perfection) that will fix things for me or make things grand. My beliefs tell me that while there is no one or thing (including myself) that I can “blame” for anything, my life is truly and perfectly 100% my responsibility.

If you put your faith in the government, or the medical establishment, or in a corporation, a company or a non-profit or a spiritual leader or any outside entity or institution that is created by other human beings… if that is where you choose to put your faith… well, don’t be shocked when the day comes that you become disappointed with what you receive in return. I choose to put my faith in the Divine. And in doing so, while my life doesn’t always go the way I planned or the way I think I would like it to, it always goes perfectly and divinely. And in this, I find peace. In this I find my way.

I promise that I am telling the truth when I tell you that I have gone through much horribleness in my life. I’ve been through tragedies, illness, abuse and very scary events, both large and small. I’ve lost people I love and have walked through terminal illness with more than one of them. I have had violence perpetrated against me and walked through these kinds of experiences with others. I live with a chronic illness. I am not speaking here from a place of not having experienced difficult things. I don’t really believe in comparative pain, but I will still say that I know people who have been through worse than me and I know people who have not been through as much, but it doesn’t matter. The worst I’ve known is the worst I’ve known. And through all of it, I have come to believe in the Divine Nature of the Universe. 

When things get difficult for me, I do allow myself to get afraid. I do allow myself to get angry. I do allow myself to feel anxiety, depression and pain. I’m not suggesting that these things are not perfectly valid feelings or that we should try to suppress them. I am only suggesting… to myself and to others who walk a spiritual path, don’t put roots in these places. I’m suggesting that we let these feelings flow through… move through them. And then somewhere along the path, or on the other side, stop and ask this question. Do I really believe what I believe? And then, dive into that, instead.

I ask this question, and my desire is to always ask this question, no matter the circumstances…  because it always ends up bringing me back to peace. It also opens the pathways for solutions and it brings me answers and gifts that I would never have found if I had stayed in the fear, the blame, the anger and the hurt. <3

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