So, here’s a little something I’ve been working with from my past – healing my heart, if you will.
I’ve had a lot of experiences with people in the past who were afraid of feelings, afraid of commitment, afraid of being needed, or simply afraid of love. Because I’ve always been a very loving person – I run with my heart wide open most of the time – I’ve had the experience of people reacting to me with fear. In my past, I’ve had many people take me the wrong way. And sometimes, if their fear was too great, they might have said or done things that ended up with me feeling like I had done something wrong – just by being loving.
I’ve been thinking a lot about love over the last few years. I’ve posted before about always falling in love with everyone and how for me, that can sometimes be a painful, but always well worth it endeavor.
But lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about the words “I love you.” I have held the belief that if you love someone, you should tell them. Often. It doesn’t matter if it is a friend, a lover, a partner, a child, a family member, or anyone else in your life. I wish we would express our love more freely or more often in this world.
And that’s what I’ve really been thinking about. The thing is, the word “love” – in our society, at least – has had too many things attached to it. Some people talk about “romantic love” or “friendship love” – some people differentiate between loving someone and “being in love” with someone. But the truth is, no matter how you want to talk about it, we have attached just a ton of baggage to the word love. And I don’t think that is fair.
In my case, I’ve realized that I’ve had a lot of people attach things like “I NEED you” or “I want to be with you forever” or “now you have to take care of me” or “I want to have a sexual relationship with you” or “I want to move in” to a simple expression of love. Or in some cases, in my past, just even to the statement, “I really like you” or “I enjoy spending time with you.”
So, I kind of stopped saying things like, “I love you” or “I really like you” or “I enjoy spending time with you” or really any expression of an affinity for another. Because I had been battered with fear from others so often in the past that I felt like it was safer to just leave those things unsaid. And I realized recently, when I told a friend “I love you” and then backpedaled, (to the point of probably hurting her feelings a wee bit, just because I was so scared of how she would take it) that it is SO sad that I have that fear.
I want to go beyond that fear. I believe in love. I mean, love in its purest meaning. The love that I feel when I “fall in love” with everyone is the kind of love that says, I see you through the eyes of Spirit and you are a beautiful soul. It is a way to recognize the divinity in another and it always is so wonderful – to feel it and to say it.
So, I’ve decided to start saying those words more. I have been for a long time with people who were “safe” – people who understood me and where I’m coming from. But, I’m just going to start telling people that I love them when the feeling hits.
So, if I ever tell you “I love you” (whatever our relationship) – PLEASE take it for what it means. There is no baggage attached to it. I just love you. That’s all it means. So simple, and so profound – and so pure. I love you. And if I tell you that I really like you or enjoy spending time with you, that’s all those things mean – there is no hidden meanings in what I say. If there are other things I want to communicate, trust me, I will. I’ll use other words. I’m pretty good at that.
I believe in telling people what they mean to me. I believe in telling people that I love them. Life is too short and there are just too many lovely things left unsaid in this life…
I love. That’s just what the fuck I do. And I’m not going to be afraid of saying it anymore. How someone takes it is their business, I guess, but I’m just going to say it. I can’t keep quiet any longer.
I love you. <3